Click to view picture . ~
31 January 1989 - 05 January 2017
Nicky... I still refuse to say "goodbye"... I can't... Because even though I can't see you any longer, I can feel you, remember the memories of you, cry whenever I see pictures or videos... I thought we had more time.... You were my baby boy, and I thought that I could love you enough that it would heal you...
There was no letter for Mom (grandma), your 3 sisters, me, or for so many... Then we realized that you wrote those that you blamed, not the ones you loved...
Nicky... YOU WERE LOVED and will always be loved, for ALL of eternity!!! My life was already cut into 2 parts, before you and then with you, but now I have another part.... After you... You will NEVER leave my heart, but I can't see you any more :'( And even though I know that you are in no more pain, the selfishness inside of me wants you here... Wants to know that you didn't give up and let go... And I am so angry at myself for not protecting you... Not saving you..
But now you don't need saved... Because you are with God! But I am still going to miss you, every second, of every day, until we can see each other again, and I can get one of your amazing hugs!!! I love you Nitter-Botterz!!!