Faces of Suicide

Remembering ...

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Zillmer, Jedadiah
22 April 1990 - 11 February 2014
Spokane, Washington

Our Remembrance
We come into this time with a range of emotions as deep and complex as the
man we are remembering.
Here there is love – and the searing pain of separation.
Here there is anger – and the futile search to understand why Jed could
not weather the despair that locked him alone into his self.
Here there are questions – why, mostly. Why?
Some of you come feeling bruised by this death and asking what you could
have done to prevent it.
Jed’s choice to die touches the despair that courts many of us in our own
moments of loneliness and threatens the structures of meaning that affirm
our own lives. Let us remember that no single act of desperation can define a
life. No matter how stalked by pain, Jed’s life also had its moments of
delight and happiness, caring and friendship, sharing and love. Death by choice
is not a denial of life; it is the cry of despair for more life. It grows
from a deep personal alienation or profound suffering and is carried out
alone, after a struggle within the self.
When a death such as this cuts across life in its fullness, we are left
with a certain incompleteness. We know that Jed leaves much unfinished,
unfulfilled, unsaid. There are still other things you wanted to share with him,
and he with you: Graduations, weddings, the birth of children and
grandchildren; another walk on the beach at sunset with Justin, another shopping spree
with Katie, another good laugh with the group, one more drink with Josh,
another hike with Jeremiah, more late night talks with Jaz, and another hug from
every one, all the wisdom and insight to share, to build a home with mom
and family for all to be safe and comforted. This sadness for the loss of this
life, full and blossoming, mingles with the sadness for the loss of
possibilities not realized. NEVER FORGTEN FOREVER LOVED