Faces of Suicide

Remembering ...

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Harris, Michael James
27 October 1979 - 24 July 2009

Our Remembrance
This is my beautiful son Michael. He had so much to give to the world; but he didn\'t think the world had anything to give to him. He was raped when he was 8 by an older neighbor boy; and he was bullied at school. Michael had ADHD and even some of his teachers bullied him. He would be called stupid in front of the class, among other things. As a freshmen football player; he and a handful of other young men, were locked into the cage where the lockers are; and they were urinated on, and hit with locks in a sock. The coach knew this and thought the hazing was a rite of passage. I had to hire a Lawyer to get the school to do an Assessment test (IEP) on him, after 3 years of fighting them to perform it. Finally he changed High schools and had tutors and was put in the right classes for his education level. rnrnI found out Michael was severely bipolar when he was about 23. He struggled with that beast for years until he felt he couldn\'t fight it any lo
nger. His Psychiatrist bullied him and his staff did too. When Michael\'s medicine was a week from running out; he was to call in to the Doctors Office and tell the staff and they were to relay this info to the Doctor\'s nurse. The staff didn\'t think Michael looked like he had anything wrong with him; so they didn\'t always tell the Doctors nurse that Michael needed refills. So he would call and call to get the Staff to get this taken care of. He had to go cold turkey off Seroquel which made him vomit and have severe panic attacks. The kind of meds Michael was on could NOT be stopped abruptly without Doctors advice and monitoring. Michael was in and out of the Madison Center wanting to end his life because he hated \"riding the Bipolar Roller Coaster.\" (c) Debbie Harris rnHe asked the Psychiatrist \"will I ever get any better?\" The Doctor answered, \"no Michael; you\'re going to spend the rest of your life in and out of the Hospital trying to kill yourself.\"
OH MY GOD!!! You never take away someone\'s hope. How cruel.rnrnMichael had always called me when he felt suicidal. No matter what time of day or night; I was there for him. I would talk him into going into the Madison Center voluntarily until the crisis passed. He promised me he would never take his life; But he broke that promise July 24, 2009 by taking 80 of his prescription pills and quietly slipped away. I know he loved me greatly, and he kept his promise a very long time. However, that Friday night his pain became so much greater than his love for me; he checked out of the \"Pain Motel\" . 5 times that day we talked. He was joking with me and gave not a clue of what he was planning on doing. I don\'t know if he had planned it all out; or he had a severe panic attack later that night and took all those pills in a moment of extreme duress.rnrnI love my son Michael and when he died; he took a big piece of me with him. I am not the same person I was before h
is death. I look like I have aged 10 years. I had the Detective e mail the photos of him as they found him 2 days later. It broke my heart to see him lying on the couch, so peaceful in sleep. He should have known kindness from this world, and not just from this Mom who adored him. He was my son, my sidekick, my buddy; my baby boy. He didn\'t deserve to be treated the way the world treated him because he had ADHD and suffered from Severe depression and anxiety and mood swings. People assumed because he looked so normal, that there was nothing wrong with him. NOT ALL HANDICAPS CAN BE SEEN!!! If you seen me, you would never think I was disabled. If you got closer, you would see the scars on my throat that go from ear to ear. You wouldn\'t know I was stabbed 17 times, raped, beaten and buried in a gravel pit. You wouldn\'t know I use my Handicap plaquard because I get scared walking a long way in the parking lot of a store. I earned it, even though people tell me \"
you\'re not handicapped.\" I do the best I can do every moment of my life to cope with a horrific past. I refuse to stay closed up in my home like a hermit. God brought me back to life in that grave of mine in the gravel pit; and I\'m going to honor every moment I take a breath.rnrnLook at all the young and older people on this wall; and it makes you wonder \"didn\'t they know how much they meant to someone\"? Didn\'t they know that someone\'s heart would be shattered with their death? Didn\'t they know how we struggle with more questions than answers? Didn\'t they know we blame ourselves somehow by thinking \"we should have known\"? Every person deserves to be loved and accepted \"as is\". That\'s how God loves them. Bullying is claiming many lives and this is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! The schools don\'t want to get involved. Some of the kids doing the bullying are the Alumni\'s kids. Get involved when you see bullying so people don\'t feel this is the only way they e
scape the hazing, the cruel words and taunts from bullies. If someone would have \"got involved\" when I was screaming for help in the gravel pit; I would have only been raped and beaten. I wouldn\'t have had my throat slit from ear to ear and my left lung punctured. The woman said she heard me screaming, but didn\'t want to get involved. WE NEED TO GET INVOLVED AND SAVE MORE LIVES. PLEASE HELP ME KEEP OUR KIDS ALIVE AND SAFE. WE SHOULDN\'T HAVE TO BURY OUR KIDS.rnrnPlease visit Michael\'s site and read the poems I\'ve written. Writing is my way to release the pain. Thank you, Debbie Harris

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